So it's Well Written Wednesday, and clearly I didn't cue my posts last weekend which is why we've skipped Monday. I was wandering around this morning trying to find something to post about for today because the run up to AwesomeCon is actually starting to kick my butt and it's only going to get worse from here. I'm reaching that level of busy that means when people ask I sort of look at them like they've crawled from the seventh layer of hell--that's the one for people who show up at the DMV unprepared, and people who talk at the movies, and child molesters who say they just want to be loved.
Also, the weather here is shifting and asshole cat has turned into a tornado of neurotic woe.
All that taken into account, today's not so much a good day for the writing of long-winded serious blogposty things. Have a fluffy cow and a top five list.
Five Ways Not to Promote Anything
Obviously there's some finesse here. You've just published a book, or gotten into an art gallery, or (insert artistic or business thing here) and you have to tell people because...well...marketing is a thing whether we'd like it to be sometimes or not. But for the love of all things fluffy don't be that person who tells everybody the exact same information every five minutes in pre-set tweets for the next six years. Or the person who scatter-shot floods Facebook with their direct sales business stuff every single day.
2) "Hahaha, your kid is so cute! He reminds me of the character from my latest novel, Creatures from Slime Planet Attack!"
Most of us have learned, by adulthood, not to be the friend that makes everything about us. And I have a sneaking suspicion that people who hijack other people's stuff probably didn't, but it's worth reminding ourselves not to do that. Even when it's relevant. There's a fairly good chance it won't be appreciated and it won't help.
3) Join my Street Team!
If you're one of those authors who has a Street Team go you. I hope that works out for you and you really love it as much as they love you. The entire concept of setting up what is essentially your own fan club just freaks me out completely. Also, I've yet to have a positive experience with any part of this phenomenon, or hear about a positive experience with it.
4) "Hello all of Jack's friends, let me tell you about my novel!"
Ugh. A) Absolutely never ever ever, in any circumstances, publish your stuff in somebody else's space without their permission. If you do, you're a dick. B) You're still a dick if you ask to do it. Jack's friends don't want to hear from you, they want to hear from Jack. Maybe swallow your dickish tendencies and ask Jack to share about your book, if he liked it. But also accept that if he liked it and likes you he probably would have done it already anyway. You dick.
5) "Nobody likes me, I'm horrible, I'm going to quit. That's what everybody wants anyway."
Okay, so I knew this girl in high school who used to do shit like this to get people to pay attention to her. She once faked a seizure because her boyfriend was paying attention to his ex. Don't do the passive-aggressive "someone tell me I'm pretty" crap. Just don't. I get that you feel like you're screaming into the void and nobody is listening. Actually, I think we all feel like that about half the time. If you want to whine--you're totally allowed, we all have moments--that's fine, just do it privately.
Alright, that's everything from me today. Come back Friday and we'll talk about all the ways advertisement is going to be weird and horrible in the future! That sounds like fun, right?